Remember when making friends was as simple as bonding over a favorite color on the playground? If only adulthood came with that same magical simplicity.
In reality, making friends as an adult can feel awkward, vulnerable, and intimidating. You worry about rejection. You question whether you're "too much" or "not enough". And, somewhere in between, the idea of putting yourself out there starts to feel impossible.
But meaningful friendships are still out there waiting! Whether you've just moved to a new city, outgrown old friendships, or want deeper connections, finding your tribe is absolutely possible.
At Hot and Social, we've built an entire community dedicated to this belief. In this guide, we show you how to make friends as an adult, so let's walk you through it.
Why Is It Hard to Make Friends As An Adult
Before we dive into the how, let's acknowledge the why. Understanding what makes adult friendships challenging helps us approach them with more compassion, for both ourselves and others.
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Busy schedules: Between work deadlines, family obligations, Little League tournaments, and barely finding time to sleep, squeezing in social time sometimes feels impossible.
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Social anxiety: Feel anxious about putting yourself out there? You're not alone! The older we get, the more self-conscious we become. That fearless kid who walked up to strangers in elementary school? They've been replaced by someone who overthinks and second-guesses everything. In fact, around 13% of Americans live with social anxiety, so it's more common than you think.
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Fear of rejection: Being vulnerable with new people means risking rejection. And that possibility freaks us out more at 35 than it did when we were 10.
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Life transitions: Moving cities, changing jobs, getting married, or having kids are major life changes that can shake up our social lives. Sometimes the friends who fit one chapter don't fit the next, and that's okay. But it does mean starting over.
If any of this hits home, know that you’re not alone. Once you understand what's standing in your way, you can start breaking those barriers, one intentional step at a time.
10 Stress-Free Ways To Make Friends As An Adult
Here are 10 ways to beat your anxiety and start meeting like-minded people:
1. Have the right mindset
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Be open and vulnerable: Are you showing up with arms folded or arms open? Making friends requires vulnerability. The willingness to be seen, to be genuine, to risk liking someone who might not like you back.
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Be courageous: Start by reframing your fear of rejection. Instead of assuming others won't like you, try assuming they will. Challenge your inner critic: you are exactly who someone out there wants to meet!
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Get professional input: If you struggle with social anxiety, consider working with a professional who can help you develop the tools to manage it. There's no shame in getting support.
2. Rekindle old friendships
Sometimes the best new friendship is an old one rekindled. Think about people you've lost touch with, like former colleagues, childhood buddies, or friends from college. Maybe you drifted in different directions after school but now share similar interests. Go grab coffee or a quick bite at a local restaurant. You might be surprised how easily you fall back into rhythm when the foundation was already there!
3. Look for common interests
Don't wait for friendships to happen organically. This isn't a fairytale where your Fairy Godmother appears with a magic wand. You've got to create opportunities for connection.
So, join a book club. Sign up for that pottery or cooking class you've been eyeing. Join a triathlon training group if you're athletic. Go watch a baseball game. Invest time in doing what you love (or would love to try!).
The trick is to step outside your comfort zone. Instead of looking for people, look for shared interests, things you genuinely enjoy. When you're doing what you love, you're more relaxed and more yourself, and that's when meaningful relationships are made.
NYC offers endless possibilities to meet new people, from art classes to hiking clubs. All you have to do is step out and join in.
4. Join a fitness community or a sports team
There's something about a gruelling workout that breaks barriers faster than small talk ever could. Whether it's a recreational swimming class, a competitive running club, or a trendy Pilates studio everybody's talking about, fitness communities are gold mines for new connections.
The great thing about joining a sports league is that you're instantly part of something. You've committed to showing up regularly and spending time with like-minded folk. From soccer to pickleball, pick your sport and your tribe will find you.
5. Find people through spirituality
If spirituality and religion matter to you, your place of worship can be an incredible spot to meet people and make lasting friendships. These communities are naturally built around shared values, which can form a solid foundation for meaningful friendships.
Join a small prayer group, go on a yoga retreat, or volunteer for events. When you're united by something bigger than yourself, good friends have a way of finding you.
6. Volunteer
Ready to meet good people? Go where good people gather. Volunteering attracts those who care about making a difference for a particular cause. This in itself creates natural opportunities for conversation and connection.
Choose a cause that matters to you, such as:
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Animal shelters
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Food banks
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Senior centers
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Children's charities
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Your local community center
Not only will you have the chance to meet potential friends, but you'll also feel good about contributing to something meaningful. It's a win-win.
7. Turn coworkers into friends
We spend over 40 hours a week with our coworkers, so why not explore a new friendship? Obviously, work-life boundaries matter, but that doesn't mean your colleague can't also be a new friend.
Start small: grab a quick lunch break coffee, suggest lunch, or invite them to a weekend farmer's market. Try seeing them as more than their job title. Sure, you won't "click" with everyone, but you just might find a friendship that lasts beyond the office.
8. Make friends with other parents
Got kids? Congrats, you're automatically part of the "Parents Club". And the great thing about that? Parent friendships are the perfect two-birds-one-stone situation; your kids get playmates, you get some much-needed adult company.
If you're new to the school or neighbourhood, don't be afraid to reach out. Many communities have parenting groups, school WhatsApp chats, or local Facebook pages that connect people and plan playdates. Volunteering at school events or simply chatting at drop-off/pickup time can also open the door to new friends - for both you and your kid.
9. Go digital
If the thought of walking up to strangers makes your palms sweat, start online instead. There are plenty of apps made just for meeting new people, such as:
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Bumble BFF
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Hey! VINA
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Meetup
Local groups on Facebook or online communities centred around hobbies and common interests are also good places to connect. If social anxiety is intense, online gaming communities or digital social groups can help you build confidence in a low-pressure environment before forming adult friendships in real life.
10. Go to events
At Hot and Social, we throw events specifically designed to help you meet people.
From movie screenings and brunches to dinners and themed parties, our NYC events remove the awkwardness of meeting new people by creating spaces where everyone is in the same boat. When 99% of attendees arrive solo, nobody's the odd one out, leading to real friendships that last long after the party ends.
Feeling adventurous? Consider Camp Social, our women-only 3-day sleepaway in the Poconos filled with adventure, fun, and relaxation.
Bonus read: What is Adult Summer Camp? A Complete Guide
Summing It Up
Making new friends in adulthood isn't about being the most outgoing person in the room; it's about showing up, being open, and giving yourself permission to try.
Start small. Pick one thing from our list and commit to it for the next month. Join that class and show up consistently. Break barriers, one intentional step at a time, because friendships grow when you take action. We’re here to cheer you on, ready to help you make those connections happen.
FAQs
How do I make friends in my 30s?
Making friends in your 30s takes a bit more intention, but it's 100% doable. Start by joining activities or local groups that genuinely interest you, like a gym or an art class. Be open, accept invitations, follow up after good conversions, and show up regularly.
Is it difficult to make friends as an adult?
It can be a little difficult to make friends in adulthood because people have busier lives, but it's not impossible. With effort, openness, and shared interests, you can make new friends at any age.
